Teens & the Bad Rep

Teens sometimes get such a bad rep going through school, or at home. The strops, claiming ownership, banging doors, “attitudes”. It almost comes like a whirlwind at times. These behaviors can start before teen years in a lot of children.

I don’t like those bad names that teens are labelled with. In my former career I have visited those houses where teens have a bad rep. Some teens are starting to question the lifestyle of their parents and ask difficult questions like – why does my Mummy drink from that bottle in the morning and can’t speak properly. They are starting to realist that what goes on in their home may not be normal. These teens are seeking their own stability in life too, but possibly don’t have it.

Listening Beyond Words

Listening Beyond the Words Children & Teens speak to us as parents, teachers, therapists is so important. Seeing their body language, the change in complexion, the expression. Observation gives us such small clues as to how they are feeling, beyond the words they have spoken. How many times have you heard “I’m fine” or “Nothing is wrong” when you know there is something just not right with their overall behavior.

Giving Stability to our children includes these small observations, alongside the hugs and love, food, heat, nourishment, and listening. When we notice a child or teen is behaving out of their normal character we can address it very soon, and stop it escalating into a low mood, an argument or a shouting match.

I see a lot of teens and children that have not been able to express their feelings – through no fault of the parent I must stress – we are not all equipped to identify what the issues is with our own children. In our frustration to deal with a child’s behavior we can miss little signs because we are too close.

Sometimes I give a prescription to the child to help them to express to their parents easier, and sometimes I give a remedy to both parent and child because they are both dealing with the same issue – an issue they are stuck on.

Helping Mend a Father Son Relationships

A father and son asked me for help with the conflict in their relationship. They both had problems with general worries. Despite their previous great relationship they could not seem to discuss their conflict, or get past it. The un-named, unidentified conflict.

During our session the son expressed to me that, subconsciously, he saw his father as being weak, not in charge of the household, and felt he had to take on an adult role. From the son’s perspective this was creating a base level of instability in his need for his father as a role model, and a leader of his household. This subconscious belief was being shown to the father by a lack of respect.

The Dad was struggling with his own worries, unable to concentrate due to financial worries, not sleeping and being very anxious. This anxiety and worry was creating a lack of confidence in his role as a father figure and a role model to his son.

The father has lost his good relationship with his son and the son had lost his role model and stability.
This conflict was not apparent at all to either father or son.

Both father and son received their prescriptions from me, and within days the found their anxiety and sense of instability ease. They both started to return to their roles of son (child), and father (Adult). The Adult regained his sense of confidence and stability in his role in the family, and the son started to respect his father again, who he missed looking to for advice.
These are the subtle changes I see in people and relationships when they walk into my clinic, and when they return after their prescription. The changes are not always obvious to the people, but I see it.

What is Health in terms of Relationships

Health is more than just Physical health. It is the observations in the reactions people have to each other. Healing unspoken rifts can be easier than facing it head on, especially if you have not recognized the conflict.

Our Children and Teens need our attention, not just with our ears, but with our eyes. A toddler does not have words to express or describe pains they are feeling. And a Teen does not always have the words to describe their inner conflict or their emotional state at that time.

Our ears and our eyes will help us to help them.

And perhaps we can start to help our teens a little more if we take a more gentle approach with them. And in some cases we do need to be a little more assertive with teens to provide them with a sense of stability.

 

If you would like to explore healing a relationship between you and your child or teen contact me here for more information